Thursday, November 1, 2007

where things stand

right about now i'm running on fumes as i type this and in dire need of sleep. and since there has been a lot going on at the moment and i have opinions on them i guess i'll go through them quickly so they are off my mind:

on Joe Torre being the Dodgers manager: that is great and i hope to see some results hopefully he can bring in some players so they can be a contender next season or any of the seasons that he is here for.

on Kobe Bryant and the Lakers: 1. should have gotten players to help kobe 2. if you're going to trade him good luck with his trade clause and stop with the dam circus it's getting old, you are not going to get an equal trade value for him regardless of how many teams get involved with a proposed trade just wait it out for now.

on the writers guild hold out: i really do hope this is resolved quickly so that tv shows go on with their seasons, i would like to see this season of scrubs to go on and not have to go straight to dvd if this hold out is lengthy, also this is especially not good for the new shows(ie. Chuck; which i like a lot and look forward too.) and the fact that i dislike reality tv a lot. :update: they are said to go on strike.

on school this week: it's been the most grueling and demanding week ever in 4 days, i'm really tired and at the moment i feel like everything is on the line and i don't even know how well i am doing and i'm really worried.

everything else in certain aspects a lot of it is getting to me and i don't have a good feeling about things anymore, it feels like any step that i've tried to make forward there is a setback and i've been delt many for awhile now and it's getting old to the point where i feel like i'm going nowhere.

the only things have kept me sane during this time is music, those handful of friends that i have genuine respect for, the lyric writing and the world sport that is futbol. soccer never ends and it's a sport that i'm passionate about on a club level and internationally. seeing Guatemala beat Mexico for the first time in the history between them was really special and huge because i thought i would never see the day when that happened but i saw some of it and i'm really proud. also i must point out or mention the current soccer season in(MLS, EPL and La Liga) very exciting you can't help but not feel something special and feel warm on the inside.

music the majority of the releases i've been waiting for have or are about to come out and the releases i've gotten so far have been great i love them very much, and that love also goes into collecting vinyl's and buying cd's as well as going to concerts but i know eventually(although i hope i never see the day) where it's not going to do nothing for me...

my writing can only do so much for me because i don't always finish what i start right away and whatever i don't finish usually doesn't get finished because i don't have the same feeling or train of thought when i thought of it. i'm happy it is there for me and has been for 7 years now i wouldn't trade it for the world because it's one of my creative outlets that i have but with that i know i won't be able to write something when i need to or want to because it can only do so much, and for those few who i have talked to about these things during this time period or a rough patch as some would call it i really thank them and appreciate the kind words, motivation and them trying to reassure me that things will be okay but with that said friends and family they can only do so much for so long before it becomes numb and unmeaningful despite good intentions.

don't sound the alarms and don't treat me any different, this has not bested me to the point where i'm shattered both mentally and physically as well as to the point where you can clearly see that something is wrong with my facial expression, i'm not there and like i said in the last post what i'm going through is like a battle that i have to be able to hang and dish it out but it's taking it's toll and i know a couple people are worried and they wonder why and here it is. there are more specifics but those you will have to ask me and hope that i answer.

i have ideas on what i could do but picking them to do them is the question that i can't seem to figure out for me personally it's been something that i've been struggling with for years to have that main goal and the possible back up plan incase plan A doesn't work, to have options with my goals is basically what i'm saying. being unsure for so long only causes doubts...which creates some bad baggage to think of...sometimes.

or maybe i just need a vacation(yes, an actual one) and get out of Los Angeles and come back with a different mindset. haha who knows?

and no i have not lost my humor, humor is what keeps things lively and makes me feel good about when i can make you laugh(despite the ways i go about it)

i had to get this out, for those who read: sorry for wasting your time. haha and thanks for reading(if anyone reads this)

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